i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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