goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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