I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
