Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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