R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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