my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
