I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
