Already got asked if we're dating
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
