What a fucking waste of an outfit
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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