how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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