Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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