My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We have started to decorate penises.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
