That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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