I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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