how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
