I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
