So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
