I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
