What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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