Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
