i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
