Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
