So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
