I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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