we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
