Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize