I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
