I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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