so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
