the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
