hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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