You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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