ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You pole danced in your parka.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
