The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She's the barista slut.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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