Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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