he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
