i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
