How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
