Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize