its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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