Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
