Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
