I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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