After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
