there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
