I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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