oh god the rape fog is back!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
