i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize