is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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