Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
