Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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