I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
