Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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