Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
