It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
