I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
