why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
