Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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