I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
