You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
