I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
