His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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