Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
