Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
