the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize