I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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