our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
