she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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