just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I came so hard my ears popped.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
