We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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