Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
