I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
