in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
