just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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