He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
