My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
