threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
