Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She's JV to your varsity
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
