I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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