Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
