Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How naked do you want me to be?
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