every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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