There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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