Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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