your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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