You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
