i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My bed smells like the plague
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
