Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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