***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
