Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
