Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
