oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
