she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
